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Airplanes are interesting toys
but of no military value.
--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor
of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
From the 3/18/98 
Internet site:
SHORT FINAL...
From our "You can super-size that for 79 cents" file:
N123: "Youngstown Approach, Cessna 123 off Elser, request
two practice ILS approaches, followed by the published missed to the VOR
to hold, a VOR approach, two NDB approaches, and an ASR approach."
Approach: "Cessna 123 squawk 4753, and would you like fries
with that, sir?"
From 
Kit Stuff
by Robrucha
Airplane
Fun
57 THINGS TO DO ON A LONG AIRPLANE
RIDE **************************************************************
By Squinky2 (Actual name irrelevant)
-
1. Fart loudly and act shocked,
looking around to see who did it
-
2. Fiddle around with the
emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar
-
3. Go into the bathroom and
make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed
-
4. Fly into a rage whenever
the word "Gallstone" is mentioned
-
5. "Accidental" soda spill
on the dork next to you.
-
6. Go up to someone and ask
loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preparation H to your hemorroids
-
7. Tap at the windows, saying
"Looks pretty tough" then ask somone if they have a bat you could use to
test.
-
8. Disco dance in the aisle
-
9. Mess up your hair, untuck
your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as
if you were long-lost friends
-
10. Go into the bathroom, drop your
pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"
-
11. Describe your sex life in great
detail to the five-year-old next to you
-
12. Try to lead plane in song "Oh
I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner"
-
13. Lead a revolt against the first
class passengers
-
14. Attempt to promote Hinduism
among passengers
-
15. Moon passing Delta planes
-
16. Lead a bible study session in
the back of the plane
-
17. Start a hot dog stand
-
18. Steal businessman's laptop,
play solitaire on it
-
19. Pinch the stewardess' butt as
she passes
-
20. During the inflight movie, ask
to share headphones with someone
-
21. When two people kiss in the
film, belch real loud
-
22. When there's any nudity, say
"Hey! He/she must be real cold!"
-
23. Tell the person next to you
your life story, from DNA to that afternoon
-
24. With the person next to you,
discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands
-
25. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't
have put superglue in your undies that morning
-
26. Pick your nose and pat the person
next to you
-
27. No matter what the meal choices
are, demand Rice-a-Roni
-
28. Show off your Batman underwear
-
29. Ask the guy next to you to hold
your dentures (senior citizens only)
-
30. Switch accents and see if anyone
notices
-
31. During the meal, loudly explain
that one time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all over the
airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers
-
32. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero
and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head
-
33. Scratch your butt, then sniff
your finger
-
34. Go into the cockpit, flick on
the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says "e"
-
35. Go into the cockpit, ask the
pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do the call it the COCKpit?" then snort
as if it's the funniest thing in the world
-
36. Don't use deoderant, then "accidentally"
stick your armpit in someone's face
-
37. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve
instead of your hand to cover it
-
38. Listen to James Brown on your
Walkman, sing along (especially the "Oooh Oooh" parts)
-
39. Snort when you laugh
-
40. Tell corny jokes and laugh like
it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same
-
41. Wear a hairpiece and switch
it often, seeing if anyone notices
-
42. Sing that irritating song that
starts like this "I lost my car on the rooooooaaddd an' I'm cryin' over
yooooouuuu...."
-
43. Recite all you can of the last
Ann Landers column
-
44. Hum the Monty Python theme song
-
45. Act like a movie star
-
46. Scream and dive under your seat
for no apparent reason
-
47. Ride carry-on luggage down the
aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!"
-
48. With a desperate look, ask the
stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say "Nevermind.
Do you have any towels?"
-
49. Whip out your kazoo and give
first class a special entertainment show
-
50. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!!
I left the stove on!!"
-
51. Bring a microphone and act like
Frank Sinatra
-
52. Ask someone for their autograph,
pretending that you think they're Kevin Costner or Goldie Hawn (This best
when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)
-
53. Start talking Korean
-
54. If someone has a bad toupee,
whack it off
-
55. Pretend you're flying the plane
-
56. With a fellow passenger, Re-enact
the disco scene in "Airplane!"
-
57. Get some rub-on tattoos and
a leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang
From the 4/21/97
Internet site:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Saved By A Leatherman Tool"
This is the actual first-person account of a U.S. Forest
Service employee who was a passenger in a Hiller 12E helicopter in February
1997 when the collective control linkage became disconnected at the rotor
hub and the aircraft started an uncontrollable climb. The passenger climbed
out of the airborne helo, managed to reconnect the linkage using the awl
of a Leatherman Tool, and held the makeshift repair in place until the
chopper could land safety. Incredible but true!
This page last updated: Who cares!