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10) I hold the school record for the fastest pre-flight.

9) My dad is a Delta captain, so this is just a formality.

8) Yep, 6 hours between the bottle and the throttle.

7) Guess how many FAA geeks it takes to screw in a lightbulb.

6) It amazes me how often ATC is wrong.

5) I know...No smoking 8 hours before you fly and no drinking within 50 feet of the aircraft.

4) Is that a clip-on?

3) I wish I didn't take all that cough syrup this morning.

2) Checklist, Schmecklist.

1) When I think about you I touch myself.

Blonde Pilot

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."

Farmer and the Airplane

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man." "Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

     The Skydiver

    Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute emerged, tangled, and he cut it free.

He then pulled the cord on the reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked down to the ground below. To his amazement, a woman was coming up with equal velocity.

"Hey, you know anything about parachutes?" he shouted to her, as they passed by.

The reply: "No... you know anything about Coleman stoves?"


Ace pilot Snoopy going left                                                                                                   Ace pilot Snoopy going right

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